So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
