my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize