Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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