I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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