my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
