you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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