then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
