We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize