Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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