she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
