It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
