the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
