What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it glows. i had to have it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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