Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He did a backflip because drugs
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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