It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
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did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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