I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
