new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
