she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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