On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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