I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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