Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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