24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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