So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
