Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
babies were throwing up all over the place
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
