I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
