Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
