so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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