pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
babies were throwing up all over the place
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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