So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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