I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
