hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
