I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
