I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
