Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
