i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
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Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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