I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
