Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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