if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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