I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
