I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
