So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
