i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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