My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
