so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
