Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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