he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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