and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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