Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
