Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
