I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Randomize
