hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
