she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Houston, we have a blender
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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