I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
