You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
