This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
