I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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