I heard we made out
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
