He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
