Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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