tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
