at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
